Isolation
Dear Self,
These days, I seem to be reverting back to my introverted ways a lot more than usual. You see, a long time ago, when I was a kid, we moved back to my home country after spending practically my entire childhood in a foreign land. As such, there was a degree of culture shock and I found it hard to make friends. That isolation is what got me focused on my studies to become a consistent honor student.
I improved my social skills over time. Volleyball, a sport I was particularly good in, helped a lot. As I grew up, I became more and more accustomed to people. I still prefer smaller gatherings to larger crowds, but I've become self-assured enough not to feel uncomfortable when placed in a situation where I have to interact with more people than I want to. In fact, if you didn't know me, you would never guess that I'm a real introvert - I can carry a conversation pretty well. I've kinda mastered the art of small talk - trust me, it's a survival skill. Haha.
But these days, I find myself longing for isolation more often. It started when my parents separated two years back (details of which I would relay in another blog, as mentioned before). Somehow, that changed me - I became far less affectionate, more indifferent, more apathetic. I guess that was the defense mechanism that my brain decided was best to keep my sanity. However, I just noticed today, that I've also started to dread going to parties and other huge gatherings. I never used to feel that; now, it seems that just thinking about it causes me some degree of anxiety.
I don't know what it is, honestly. It actually got me into a little bit of trouble last December, when I chose not to attend all the Christmas parties I was invited to - including the ones in the hospitals I worked in. In one such hospital, our department head was actually pissed off by my non-attendance.
I need to figure this out.
Sincerely,
Lagundi
These days, I seem to be reverting back to my introverted ways a lot more than usual. You see, a long time ago, when I was a kid, we moved back to my home country after spending practically my entire childhood in a foreign land. As such, there was a degree of culture shock and I found it hard to make friends. That isolation is what got me focused on my studies to become a consistent honor student.
I improved my social skills over time. Volleyball, a sport I was particularly good in, helped a lot. As I grew up, I became more and more accustomed to people. I still prefer smaller gatherings to larger crowds, but I've become self-assured enough not to feel uncomfortable when placed in a situation where I have to interact with more people than I want to. In fact, if you didn't know me, you would never guess that I'm a real introvert - I can carry a conversation pretty well. I've kinda mastered the art of small talk - trust me, it's a survival skill. Haha.
But these days, I find myself longing for isolation more often. It started when my parents separated two years back (details of which I would relay in another blog, as mentioned before). Somehow, that changed me - I became far less affectionate, more indifferent, more apathetic. I guess that was the defense mechanism that my brain decided was best to keep my sanity. However, I just noticed today, that I've also started to dread going to parties and other huge gatherings. I never used to feel that; now, it seems that just thinking about it causes me some degree of anxiety.
I don't know what it is, honestly. It actually got me into a little bit of trouble last December, when I chose not to attend all the Christmas parties I was invited to - including the ones in the hospitals I worked in. In one such hospital, our department head was actually pissed off by my non-attendance.
I need to figure this out.
Sincerely,
Lagundi
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