On Depression

Dear Self,

I've been holding off on writing about this topic - mostly because I don't know where to start, but also because this hits a little too close to home. Depression was something that I battled with last year (details on which I would relay in succeeding blogs), and I guess I consider myself one of the lucky ones that actually got through.

The reason why I am writing about it now is because I realized yesterday that I have several friends who are going through it, as well. Heck, even my brother, who always tries to be a positive force in this world, had a battle with it a few weeks ago. The reasons vary widely - from a perceived purposeless existence, to difficulties with one's career, to losing a loved one. Whatever the cause, a lot of the symptoms are the same - social isolation, a sudden lack of interest in things that once mattered, a feeling of hopelessness.

You see, a long-time friend of mine, one whom I've known for over 20 years, is battling with depression right now. We all met up yesterday for one of our friend's wedding, and he opened up slightly about the demons that he's been dealing with. This friend of mine has always been a naturally talented kid in the sciences - but he, unfortunately, finds it hard to focus and study. While he is great at picking up processes and the "how to's," he always struggled with the other, more demanding aspect of our field - sitting down, reading, and studying the theories behind these processes. As such, he has been failing the board exams for our specialty, Pathology, and the coming exams for 2020 will be his third try.

He is LOST. Doctors sacrifice a lot to progress in their profession. As we get more and more specialized, our options become more and more limited. The cost of being an expert in one area is really becoming mediocre, might I say, even useless, in other areas. That is why, when we hit a roadblock in our career progression, it puts us on hold indefinitely, with few options to change our paths. That is what's happening to this friend of mine - not being able to pass the boards, there is just no meaningful job for him that would do justice to the amount of time and money he has spent training to become a pathologist.

People outside of Medicine would probably find this difficult to grasp. In other professions, when one job doesn't work out, there are a whole lot of other jobs that they can try out. An accountant can become a businessman. An advertiser can go into marketing. A driver can turn into a carpenter. Additionally, they do not spend over 10-15 years of their lives in school, mastering their craft. Hence, the attachment to their field is not as enduring as it is for doctors. I say this because our other friends, who work in other professions, were teasing him and mocking him about failing the exams; about being a general practitioner; about maybe trying to change his career. Perhaps they don't mean to, but I know that these things hurt him even more. To add even further insult to injury, I think that my presence also doesn't help the situation. All things considered, I am one you would consider as successful for a young doctor - I work in the best hospitals in our country; I am recognized as the only expert in my field; I produce research; I hold various administrative positions; I give lectures to several societies across the nation. The gap in our careers has widened so much, and, being long-time friends, it is not entirely surprising that we can be (and probably are) subconsciously compared.

I don't know how he will get himself out of this rut. But what I do know, though, is that, as it was for me, he can only count on himself to get through it. He should find his purpose in this life, his ANCHOR. Mine was my career and my hobbies. At times when I wanted to give up, I simply woke up each and every day and forced myself through by keeping my mind too busy to dwell on the debilitating thoughts. Hopefully, he will discover whatever it is in this life that means to him, as well. He will need it... to hold on.

Sincerely,

Lagundi