Trimming Out the Friends List
Dear Self,
These days, I find myself trimming my list of friends more and more. You see, I didn't even have many to begin with - but it seems that as the years have gone by, I am gradually realizing which set of friends I should keep and which ones I should downgrade to mere acquaintances.
For example, my friends from medical school are for keeps. During the worst part of our lives, when we were pounded with so much work, when we had to go on 36-hour duties, we had each other. We have all experienced the jungle that is medical training, all the good and the bad. We have helped each other through days when we were beyond exhausted; through days when we didn't have the heart to pursue our noble profession anymore. Even when our souls were drained of gusto, we held each other up and got through the finish line.
Consequently, we all share a deep connection to each other. On those rare occasions that we are able to meet up and take time away from our busy lives, we are able to pick up where we left off. There is a level of understanding between all of us, a frequency shared only by those who went through the tough times of medical school together. As such, our bonds are likely to last throughout our lifetimes.
And then there's my college friends. We were a group of misfits who got together through random common interests. It's always fun to recall those times of reckless abandon and immaturity. However, I struggle to maintain my interest in this group. I guess there are a couple of reasons for this - one, and probably the most glaring, is that when we all parted ways after graduation, we followed divergent paths. Two of us eventually became doctors; one became a nurse in a foreign country; one worked in the advertising industry; and the last one continued their family business. Whenever we were together, it became difficult to find common ground, to bring up topics that we would all be more or less engrossed in.
The second reason, which perhaps is a little mean on my part, is that I feel they haven't matured. Conversations with them feel like I'm back in college. It's still all about bringing each other down with obscene jokes. It's dry, slapstick humor that has lost its magic. Occasionally, I would try to steer them towards more mature and present discussions, but eventually, we would find ourselves back to where we were.
Lastly, and perhaps the saddest reason of all, is that we are not really supportive of each other's dreams, of each other's accomplishments. We are all caught up in our own worlds, that we could care less of what's going on with the others. None of them have congratulated me on my various academic achievements or my continued growth in music. In the same manner, I probably missed out on acknowledging their successes, as well.
I am slowly moving away from my college friends. I participate less in our group messages; I try to avoid reunions if and when I can; I merely glance over updates on their lives. I feel guilty for doing this, but I just feel that we are no longer speaking the same language. I've moved on from who we were in college. It's just not as interesting anymore, and I can't continue pretending like I care.
One of them is getting married this weekend. I think that's the last time I'll see them. At least for a long while.
Sincerely,
Lagundi
These days, I find myself trimming my list of friends more and more. You see, I didn't even have many to begin with - but it seems that as the years have gone by, I am gradually realizing which set of friends I should keep and which ones I should downgrade to mere acquaintances.
For example, my friends from medical school are for keeps. During the worst part of our lives, when we were pounded with so much work, when we had to go on 36-hour duties, we had each other. We have all experienced the jungle that is medical training, all the good and the bad. We have helped each other through days when we were beyond exhausted; through days when we didn't have the heart to pursue our noble profession anymore. Even when our souls were drained of gusto, we held each other up and got through the finish line.
Consequently, we all share a deep connection to each other. On those rare occasions that we are able to meet up and take time away from our busy lives, we are able to pick up where we left off. There is a level of understanding between all of us, a frequency shared only by those who went through the tough times of medical school together. As such, our bonds are likely to last throughout our lifetimes.
And then there's my college friends. We were a group of misfits who got together through random common interests. It's always fun to recall those times of reckless abandon and immaturity. However, I struggle to maintain my interest in this group. I guess there are a couple of reasons for this - one, and probably the most glaring, is that when we all parted ways after graduation, we followed divergent paths. Two of us eventually became doctors; one became a nurse in a foreign country; one worked in the advertising industry; and the last one continued their family business. Whenever we were together, it became difficult to find common ground, to bring up topics that we would all be more or less engrossed in.
The second reason, which perhaps is a little mean on my part, is that I feel they haven't matured. Conversations with them feel like I'm back in college. It's still all about bringing each other down with obscene jokes. It's dry, slapstick humor that has lost its magic. Occasionally, I would try to steer them towards more mature and present discussions, but eventually, we would find ourselves back to where we were.
Lastly, and perhaps the saddest reason of all, is that we are not really supportive of each other's dreams, of each other's accomplishments. We are all caught up in our own worlds, that we could care less of what's going on with the others. None of them have congratulated me on my various academic achievements or my continued growth in music. In the same manner, I probably missed out on acknowledging their successes, as well.
I am slowly moving away from my college friends. I participate less in our group messages; I try to avoid reunions if and when I can; I merely glance over updates on their lives. I feel guilty for doing this, but I just feel that we are no longer speaking the same language. I've moved on from who we were in college. It's just not as interesting anymore, and I can't continue pretending like I care.
One of them is getting married this weekend. I think that's the last time I'll see them. At least for a long while.
Sincerely,
Lagundi
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